she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
