her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
