This is not my ceiling
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
