Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize