Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
God, I missed his penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
