I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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