She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
