that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
