ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
