Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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