so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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