she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
