Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
