I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The struggles of a small town man whore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize