My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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