I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
