There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
