If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
