I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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