Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
