would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
