she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
