No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
