Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
