I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
