i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
