Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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