Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
