she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
