I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
