is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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