Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
