I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
