i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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