I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize