i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
love makes seman taste better
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
