Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
