He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize