If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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