Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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