Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
