i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
