Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
