Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
