OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
