Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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