dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
