Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
