It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize