At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
