she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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