John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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