My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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