Having a random hookup so left but love u
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
