Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
smell my finger.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
