Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
