Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
