WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
