okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
