i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
