Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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