If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
