he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
