he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I just sharted jello shots
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