Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
