i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
