Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
