I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
