Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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