You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
