..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize