1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
