We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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