I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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