batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
