i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
