member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize