if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
